Book Summary "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Author                    : Dale Carnegie

Publisher                : Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group
Date of Publication:1998
No. of Pages          : 160 pagesISBN                      : 0671027034 

taken from amazon.ca  

Wisdom in a Nutshell

In this revised edition of , the author asserts that handling people and making them like you is not as
difficult as most people think it is. There are ways in which things can work out easily for you and the people around you. This book enumerates and thoroughly discusses key points and techniques in doing so.
Most of our time is set on building relationships. This book explains all. With good relationships, personal and business dealings will be much easier to handle. This self-help book is self-explanatory and enhanced with personal experiences an 

Introduction

The author, a tireless reviser of his own work, states that the road to success
and a better life is based on a person's desire to improve and master the
principles of human relations. In order to achieve this, the key points and
principles must be strictly observed and followed by the reader. The book is
divided into four major principles.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

In building relationships with other people, different approaches should be done to make them work.
Every technique is dependent on the type of situation that confronts the individual. Bear in mind that
whenever a situation arises we must be rational and critical analysts of ourselves and of others. A sound and focused mind must always be present when conducting or applying the following techniques in handling other people. These three techniques are:  

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

Nobody wants to see or hear the work they did being criticized or worse, rejected. There are ways to
inform people about your complaints without making them feel low or incapacitated. Condemning them won't make things easier. Instead, widen your horizons and understand them. In addition,
criticizing, condemning, and complaining open oneself to the same criticism, condemnation, and
complaints done to others. It is a simple case of human nature at work.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Having people compliment you or praise you for a job well done is always equal to one thing a big smile on your face. And who would not want to see that? However, compliments should always be
accompanied by honesty. Otherwise it wouldn't feel like a compliment at all; it becomes more like an
insult.

Honest appreciation gets results where criticism and ridicule fail. Cease to think of your accomplishments and your wants. Try to consider the other person's good characteristics. Instead of flattery, give honest and sincere appreciation. 

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

It is always nice to be in a room full of people where everybody thinks that they have been a great contribution to the success of something. Whether that great success was their idea or not, it is good to instill in them the idea that they are the ones who thought of it. This will make them work harder and strive for more improvement and success. Remember: “First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

 

To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

There are six, very simple ways to make people like you. Most of these principles are often overlooked in our everyday dealings with others. When people begin to like you, having conversations and making favors will be much easier to deal with. By applying and mastering these six ways, you will be astonished by the excellent results.

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

What better thing to talk about than the person you’re talking to? Once people feel that you are eager to talk to them, they easily warm up and start sharing. This is the first step in developing relationships - good conversations. Good conversations are a way of making people like you better and at the same time make them feel interesting and important. Stop talking about yourself and begin talking about the other person.

2. Smile

A smile goes a long way. It costs nothing, but creates much. A simple smile brightens up the days of those people around you who woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It also sends messages of friendship, hope and love to those who might be needing it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language 

 Addressing the people we talk to by their names creates more meaning to our message to them. A name adds a personal touch. It makes the person feel important. The information we are imparting or the request we are making, takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. Thoughts sound more meaningful and worth listening to.

4. Be a good listener

“People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves and those people who think only of themselves are hopelessly uneducated.” Encourage others to talk about themselves. When having conversations, ask openly about the person you are talking to. Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering. Bear in mind that most people are more interested in talking about themselves than they are about you.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests

This is beneficial for both participants in a conversation. Aside from the fact that the person is able to talk about himself, you learn more about the person, which is to your advantage. Talk about things that interest the person you're talking to. Find out things that catch his or her enthusiasm. This will spark interest in you because you show genuine interest. The reward is a deeper and more meaningful life.

6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely

Talking to people and asking them questions show interest. If done well, the results are amazing. Not only will it keep people on your side but it will also make friends out of complete strangers.

taken from third party

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

It is a fact: people like to get things their way. Being insensitive as to how messages are delivered always gets negative results. No matter how well people feel about themselves, they still can't get away with the fact that others may feel hurt or depressed due to their lack of concern regarding other's feelings. Avoid being self-centered during discussions or dialogues to safely cross the boundary of expression. Exaggerate your ideas and make people believe that it is for the good of all. It is the stepping stone in making these twelve principles effective and successful.

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

Life would be simpler if we don't complicate things so much. Oftentimes, avoiding arguments saves you the hazard of making damages to your relationships with other people. Besides, no one wins an argument. Yes, no party wins any argument because both sides go home losers. On one hand, the loser of the argument is already the loser. On the other hand, the one who shoots down the enemy with a barrage of upsetting views will end up the loser clearly because the other person detests him or her.

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say,"You're wrong”

One of the hardest things to do is to lower one’s pride.

Rejection is like a buzzing in one's ears. It's something most people don't want to hear. People don't want their minds to be changed, at least not by any other individual who battles his or her way through. However, not agreeing with someone doesn't always have to be a hard thing. It is much easier to talk about the problem if the two parties are relaxed and kind to each other. Talk it out in a mild manner. Be civil.

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

One of the hardest things to do is to lower one's pride. If you know that you're at fault, admitting it right away shows humility, lessens arguments, prevents further error and creates a better image of you.

If and when confronted in a situation where you may be rebuked, admit all the negative things the other person might be thinking of or would want to say to you. Say these things before the other person does. There's a big chance that a generous and forgiving attitude will be assumed and mistakes will definitely be lessened.

4. Begin in a friendly way

Starting the conversation in a comfortable and relaxed manner will dictate the flow of the conversation. Avoid bulldozing. Avoid high pressure methods. Most especially, avoid forcing your opinion on others. With all these in mind, a calm and friendly environment will dominate the air. It is certainly true that a friendly start makes the conversation a long, enjoyable and interesting one.

5. Get the other person saying, "yes, yes" immediately

There is a technique called the “Socratic Method” which is based upon getting a “yes, yes” response. This is accomplished when commonality is achieved. This commonality comes in the form of a positive and agreeable position. Learn to agree with the other person and it is likely that that person will agree more with you.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

This will spark more interest in prolonging the conversation and will make the other person feel important as well. Start to talk about yourself less and learn to listen more. Other people may have things to boast about and more interesting tales to tell. Personal achievements are topics that others really cannot wait to reveal. These are the topics that can make people talk for a long time.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

Seeking personal credit is the culprit in a complicated and unproductive conversation. Forget yourself for a just while and acknowledge the efforts and participation of other people in a certain job. Ask for their opinion and seek their advice. This will make them feel important and more accepting. Upon feeling this, the person will not only be more comfortable with you and more enjoyable to talk to but also more cooperative.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view

Thinking in terms of the other person's point of view often leads to further understanding. Seeing things from all angles will help both you and the other person see the whole picture.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires

Showing sympathy towards the other person will make him feel that you are not solely interested in the benefits you can gain from him. A sympathetic ear would show genuine concern.

10.Appeal to the nobler motives

Do not judge or have pre-set ideas about people. Always think of them as friends and honest individuals. Thinking this way will make you more interesting to others.

11. Dramatize your ideas

Sensationalizing your ideas will make more impact on other people. A good idea that is well delivered is what it takes to succeed in both your personal and business relationships.

12. Throw down a challenge

The majority likes good competition. Competition makes people work harder and strive for improvement in the workplace. Once a challenge is thrown, it will generate excitement and people will often try to prove their worth to you and to themselves. It is in this challenge that the work itself becomes the motivating factor.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

The leader is a major pillar in a successful company. Part of his job is to make sure everybody does their job well. Another responsibility a leader has is to change work attitudes to everyone's advantage. The author stated nine principles to aid the leader in becoming effective and successful in these endeavors.

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

Starting the day with praises and compliments of their work always put people in a better mood. Once praised, the tendency of people to work professionally and efficiently increases.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

Criticism is not always well accepted in a one-on-one situation. What more if done in front of many people? This not only embarrasses the criticized person but reflects upon you as well, making you an insensitive and inconsiderate person. Criticism should be done privately where you and the other person can talk freely but still in a gentle and peaceful manner.

3. Talk  about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Hearing that they are not the only ones who make mistakes often lessens the burden of improvement for other people. It enables them to relate to you better and makes you human as well. It will make you more credible and encourages people to listen, knowing that you know what you're talking about.

4.Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

People tend to work better if they know that something is their idea. If a task is something ordered, they accomplish it merely to follow. Extra effort and hard work often follow original ideas.

5. Let the other person save face

Coming out as an asset to the company rather than someone about to be fired is always a good thing. It saves the person embarrassment from his peers and permits him to maintain his pride.

Happy people tend to accomplish more than what is expected of them.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation;and lavish in your praise.”

Every little good thing you see must be rewarded with a compliment or praise. This will make the person enjoy his work and encourages him to exert more effort to make the both of you successful.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

Instill in the person the idea that he possesses the qualities of a person the company needs. Whether he has it or not, thinking that he has it will make him try to improve on these qualities, making him possess them in the end.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

Kind words of encouragement and support will make mistakes easier to handle. Because of this, a person is able to think clearly and is motivated to accomplish his job in a better, more efficient manner.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Make people realize that your suggestion will be beneficial for all. This will make people work better and produce better results. By making people happy, you please them and they are more likely to reciprocate by maximizing efficiency. Happy people tend to accomplish more than what is expected of them.

You as a leader must in fact prepare your associates to be leaders themselves. Think of it as grooming your replacement. If you're doing your job right, then eventually you will be promoted, and what will happen to your work unit then? You need to prepare your team to function without you, to lead themselves.

About the Author taken from goalcast.com Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) was a pioneer in self-improvement, public speaking and personality development. Carnegie became famous for courses he developed that emphasized public speaking and interpersonal skills. He was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in 1937, which has sold over 10 million copies through many editions and remains popular today. His books became popular because of his illustrative stories and simple, well-phrased rules. Two of his most famous maxims are, "Believe that you will succeed, and you will," and "Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people." His other books include How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948). Toward the beginning of his career, Carnegie wrote Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1931), which became a standard text. He also wrote a biography of Abraham Lincoln titled Lincoln the Unknown and several other books.

Carnegie attended Warrensburg (Mo.) State Teachers College, and became a salesman for Armour and Company. Later, he taught public speaking to businessmen. He was born in Mary ville, Mo.

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