Wisdom in a
Nutshell
In this book “52 Things You Can Do to Raise Your
Self-Esteem,” Jerry Minchinton provides 52 easy ways you can do to start loving
yourself more.
52 Ways to Raise your Self Esteem
1. Treat
yourself gently when you make mistakes You are not exempt from
making mistakes, so be gentle to yourself.
Don't put yourself down by calling yourself names or thinking how stupid
you are. Just forgive yourself and focus
on doing the right thing next time.
2. Focus on your positive qualities and successes
You become what you think. Whatever you focus your thoughts on
increases. So start focusing on the
positive and practice visualizing yourself as the successful person that you want
to be.
3. Learn
to say “No”
There is no wrong with saying “no” especially when the
task is not your obligation or responsibility.
Don't allow yourself to do what is distasteful or inconvenient. If you feel that the situation is beyond what
you can do, just say “no.”
4.
Cheerfully reject any unkind remarks directed your way
Much as you want to avoid them, there will always be
those people who will give you rude comments and will put you down. Don't give them the satisfaction of making
you feel bad. Simply smile or say “oh
really?” and go about your business.
5. Consider everyone you meet your equal Don't
feel belittled by other's knowledge, position, wealth, distinction or
accomplishments. Always see yourself as
deserving as they are when it comes to respect.
6. Pay
attention to feedback
Learn from what people say about what you do. Make feedback from others your guide to
increasing your overall chances of success.
Keep a healthy attitude towards criticism and don't let negative views
cripple you from doing what you want.
Instead, be more empowered to strive only for the best.
7. Be
comfortably wrong
When you're wrong, admit it.
You don't have to be right all the time.
You don't become less of a person that you are with the mistakes you
make. Learn to acknowledge your
mistakes-- this is an indicator of maturity and good self-esteem.
8. Make
happiness a habit
Happiness is a state of mind. You can make yourself happy so long as you
want it. Happiness, like selfesteem, is
a responsibility. Although others can
affect your state, how happy you are is always dependent on you. So always strive to be happy. It will soon be second nature for you.
9. Stop
calling yourself names
Be kind to yourself.
Don't put your self-esteem down by calling yourself names. If you should do self-talk, always keep it
positive. Eliminate hurting and
degrading words such as “idiot,” “stupid,” and “scatterbrain” in your
vocabulary.
10. Find
a job you enjoy
Doing the job that you dislike will only make you feel
miserable. Find a job that suits your
priorities and values. You deserve a
work or job that gives you pleasure.
11. Never worry about the kind of impression
you're making
As Minchinton clearly puts it, “anytime you're concerned
about what people will think of you, they are probably just as concerned about
what you will think of them.”
12.
Improve
your ideas about what you deserveAlways think that you deserve the
best. To have better self-esteem, place
high value on yourself. You are that
precious, you deserve the best that life has to offer.
13.
Accept
yourself unconditionally– nowStart accepting yourself as who you
are, now. Embrace your flaws and your
shortcomings. Celebrate your gifts and blessings. Remember, that you are a work in progress. You may not be as great as you wish
to be now, but you will soon achieve what you want in the
future.
14. Win
back your freedom
Stop living for others.
Don't be swayed by what people might think or how they might react to
your deeds. Instead of winning other's
applause, do what pleases you instead.
This makes you feel better about yourself.
15. Enjoy
some quality personal time every day No matter how busy you are,
make sure that you set aside at least 30 minutes of your day just doing what
you truly enjoy. Be it writing poetry,
reading a novel, or by just sitting quietly, be sure to reserve such personal
time alone that gives you satisfaction and pleasure.
16. Ask yourself why people tell you how badly
you've hurt them
No person has the right to expect you to behave differently
than you choose. Don't ignore your
preferences just to please others. Your
expectation of yourself is what's important.
17. Be
prepared to work for what you want If you want something badly, work
hardly for it. Be willing to invest time
and effort in achieving your goals.
Nothing will come your way if you just want it, be sure to work hard for
it.
18. Give your own opinion of yourself top
priority
Though it is right to consider other people's feedback, it
is not helpful make their opinion your top priority. Pay more attention on your opinion of
yourself and not of other's opinion about you.
19. Be 100% positive one day a week Practice
avoiding unhappy thoughts about yourself and what you do. Choose one day a week and make it your
“no-complaining” day. Make this a habit
and you will soon develop a positive and healthy attitude about how you see
your life and yourself.
20.
Expect people to be different from you
The people around you have good reasons for behaving as they
are. Don't expect them to behave the way
you do. Learn to accept each person's
uniqueness. Respect individuality.
21.
Decide how
perfect “perfect” isThere is a degree of perfection appropriate for
every task. To avoid feeling bad about
what you do, set a realistic standard for perfectionism.
22.
Refuse to
compare yourself with anyoneComparing yourself with other people not
only damages your self-esteem but also destroys your self-image. Always remember that no person is the
same. Comparing yourself to someone is
just a pointless effort.
23.
Don't let
being different bother youJust as how you respect individuality,
make sure that you are not affected by your being different from others. Remember that there is nothing about you that
makes you inferior or superior than anyone else.
24. Avoid
causing yourself unnecessary pain
How much you are hurt is dependent on you. So avoid causing yourself much pain.
25. Resist
changing yourself to make people like you better
People may either like you or hate you for who you are. Either way, it is not your responsibility to
change yourself just to be accepted better by others. What counts more is how much you like yourself.
26. Cease identifying yourself with your actions As
the author puts it, “Your actions are totally unrelated to your worth or value
as a person; what you do is not the same as what you are. Just as you do not become a good person by
avoiding mistakes, you do not become a bad person by making them.”
27.
Emphasize the many correct decisions you make
Focus on your successes.
Congratulate yourself for the things that you have done right. And concentrate on making more good decisions
than bad ones.
28. Give your own approval top priority Remember
that the approval you need most comes from you and not from others. Don't put much value on other's perception of
you.
29. Take
charge of your health
Here are four important reasons why you should give priority
to your health:
a) medical
professionals have to spend most of their time repairing the damage we've done
to ourselves, so they have little time to tell us how to avoid problems
b) no
one else has as much stake as you
c) you
are the only one who is in the position to monitor your health and be aware of
the many details of your life that affect your physical well being
d) by
taking an active part in maintaining good health, you automatically gain
greater control over your life, and by doing so, increase your self-esteem
30. Smile when you're criticized When
you receive criticism from someone, just smile and remember the following:
a) you
may be able to learn from the critique, and if you are doing something wrong,
it's in your best interest to know it
b) criticism
of something you do isn't a judgment of you as a person
c) even
if someone does mean their remarks as a personal attack, why should you endorse
their efforts by cooperating with them?
31. Do
your own thinking and make your decisions
There is nothing wrong with listening to other people's
advice. But always remember that it is
better to make mistakes on your own because of your decision and free will than
to rely continually on others' judgement.
32. Accept compliments graciously If someone gives you compliments or praises,
accept these with a sincere “Thank you.” Stop making excuses or saying lines
like, “oh it was nothing, I didn't do well.” Just accept any compliment and be
thankful for it.
33. Become
flexible
Be always ready to change.
And accept that many things will happen around you that you don't like
at all. Instead of wasting your energy to change what is around you, just focus
on adjusting your attitude.
34. Value
your ideas
Your ideas are as important as anyone else. No matter how different your idea is from
others, learn to value what you think.
35. Learn to do something you've been having
someone else do for you
Continue discovering things and learning something new. Start at something that other people keeps
doing for you-- it can be simple as frying an egg. Keep learning and this will boost your
self-esteem.
36. Don't take any kind of competition seriously Keep
a healthy attitude every time you find yourself in the middle of a competitive
situation. No matter what the outcome
is, whether you win or lose, always remember that you are thoroughly a
worthwhile person.
37. Participate in government
Here are some things you can do to be active in the
political process:
a) call
or write your lawmakers: tell them your concerns and let them know what you
expect from them
b) talk
to candidates for office: ask them their position on matters that affect you
c) join
a political action group: take an active
role in changing laws and policies with which you disagree
d) become
a candidate yourself: if you feel you can
do job than those currently in office, you could be right
e) vote:
learn about the issues and individuals in upcoming elections, then make your
feelings about them known in the voting booth
38. Consider your own needs most important Before
you focus on fulfilling other people's needs, make sure that you have fulfilled
yours first. This is not
selfishness. You are just boosting
yourself to be able to give more to others.
39. Look
straight ahead
In order to regain your self-esteem, look at people as
neither more nor less important than you.
Don't let others look down on you just because you are looking up to
them. Practice looking straight ahead.
40. Say
“No” to guilt
According to Minchinton, “guilt serves no useful
purpose. Besides causing a great deal of
emotional pain, what it does best is convince you you're worthless. That alone is sufficient reason to
discontinue feeling it.”
41.
Think of
yourself as a valuable human beingWhen you were born in this world,
you already have acquired that maximum amount of human worth. Avoid thinking that your value is dependent
on your accomplishments or wealth. You
are valuable just as you are.
42.
Forgive
yourself for all your mistakesDon't be too hard on yourself. Forgive your shortcomings and wrong
decisions. Avoid beating yourself up for
these mistakes. Understand that it's but
natural for human beings to commit mistakes.
43.
Interpret
every event positivelyAlways look at the positive side of
things. No matter how bad the situation
is, focus on the bright side.
44. Forget
any bad feelings you have about others
Harboring
ill feelings towards other people will do you no good. Try to resolve any disagreements and issues
with others. Free yourself up of the
negative thoughts.
45. Become a problem-solver Whenever you
encounter a problem, focus on the ways you can do or contribute to solve it,
instead of ways that will only worsen the situation.
46. Stand
up for your rights
Know and understand your rights as a human being. Be firm to fight for what is due you.
47. Rely
mostly on yourself
Strive to be independent.
Don't always allow other people to do things for you. It pays to be able to do things your
own. This boosts your self-esteem.
48. Accept all your thoughts as perfect All
your thoughts are legitimate. Don't
blame yourself for anything that you think.
Your thoughts are valid part of your self-expression.
49. Accept full responsibility for what goes on
in your life
You are responsible for the things that happen to your
life. Don't blame God, fate or other
people. Accept full responsibility.
50.
Accept
blame only when you deserve itPeople will sometimes respond
negatively to what you do, this fact is inevitable. Be ready to accept blame when you think you
deserve it. Be responsible for your
actions.
51.
Ask
yourself whose life you're really livingSometimes you are not aware
that you are living a life as expected by the people around you. Don't be victims of other people's
expectations. Live the life you want as
you want it. This will make you feel
better about yourself.
52. Think
and speak kindly of others
Avoid thinking ill of other people. Always look at the positive side of their
every personality. Strive to speak and
think positively of others at all times.
About the Author
Jerry Minchinton
An accomplished musician, Jerry
M i n c h i n t o n p e r f o r m e d
professionally for a number of years before founding a mail processing company. After guiding the firm through twelve years of steady growth, he withdrew from his executive position to devote more time to the study of selfesteem.
He became interested in selfesteem when he and his business partner decided to use it as the basis of a pre-employment test. In the course of preparing the test, his study of self-esteem brought about a remarkable improvement in his own feelings of self-worth. This convinced him, not only that good self-esteem was highly important, but that achieving it was considerably simpler than is commonly believed.
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